Sabbatical Surprises and Personal Learnings

I didn’t expect that revisiting old wounds—places, people, and memories I had avoided for years would become a doorway into healing, not re-traumatization. Replacing the years of feared-anticipation, followed freedom from facing the demons and pain of the past.

Although sabbatical offered the gift of openness, I found myself repeatedly avoiding addressing areas from my past known as “neatly packaged areas of pain” from the past.

Let me share vulnerably a profound and beautiful dream I had just a month before my sabbatical started. I’m not new to dreaming vividly. I sit up and pay attention when dreams come with powerful emotions. This particular one was profound with depth and meaning. In my dream there existed a bountiful sunshine ray creating a visual of irridescent waters seen from cliffs - cliffs that were recognizable to me as the ones I knew while living in England. This view included fish of all kinds many that glowed in irridescent fashion through the water so clear you could drink it.

This was the kind of dream you don’t want to turn away from or wake up from.

Upon waking the irony was not lost. The place and people I feared facing, the “neatly packaged past” in reality was the same place that was simultaneously repulsive from pain and drawing me in through the overwhelming beauty seen in a dream - might the beauty have always been there, simultaneously overshadowed and stolen by the darkness?

I can still see that prophetic-feeling dream. I had to ask, what might God have for me in this place; this familiar yet seemingly dreadful place filled with memories of isolation and depression - some of the most painful memories of my life?

While wrestling with facing the memories I thought I had healed from, I stumbled upon the surprise gift of a person I didn't know I needed. I discovered my aligned sabbatical coach living in that exact place - maybe a sign, if nothing else, an invitation to confront what seemed so potentially disruptive to the trauma of my past. The human accompaniment and safe attachment figure I found in her, highlighted the lacking many years prior and how brave and incredibly courageous a younger me had been all those years ago.

This gift of a person was the illuminated light in the waters of my dream. A tangible healing partner for the intangible pain.   

The surprises and highlights… 

Returning to England nearly 30 years after deeply painful and emotionally destructive ministry service season, I found a redemptive, even joyful experience waiting for me in the people and the place. Introducing my husband and children to that place, reconnecting with beloved people, and rewriting the narrative surprised me with its power.

The same was true in Pasadena, Malaga, Spain, and other spaces of loss and transition. Facing what I had long feared, loosened the hold those memories had on me creating space for the beautiful memories to emerge. I was reminded of my love for travel, for all the years of home in Europe and the way our family shows up best when we are on the road.

I was surprised by how closely my personal healing was tied to the future of the organization of The Way Between. As I experienced emotional and financial freedom, it became clear that these values must be embedded in how we structure the organizations and programs as well as how we develop leaders. I recognized leadership formed through hustle, fear, or over-functioning is not sustainable. Our future must be built on rest, clarity, and wholeness.

Another surprise was how much pain I was still carrying from the systems I’ve been a part of especially as a woman in ministry - the sense of being unseen, the hustle to survive, the emotional toll of leading in male-dominated environments where power distribution often goes unchecked had taken its toll on me.

Listening to the Rise and Fall of Mars Hill podcast highlighted for me that when we step into leadership responsibilities prematurely, we are prone to take our immaturity and create toxic and unhealthy environments. I was reminded of my need for older and wiser leaders that will go “toe to toe” in challenging my assumptions and ways of leading.

What surprised me even more was the deep healing that came simply from being invited to the table from day one as a recipient of the Duke/Lily Foundation grant. As an equal, as a leader, as someone whose voice mattered, I was welcomed. That validation helped silence the imposter syndrome in ways that opened me up to the next many months that followed. As well, the invitation to the table was not just for my body, but my whole self- ideas, intuitions, voice and all. 

I found myself dreaming again - literally and figuratively. I honestly didn’t expect to want to stay as the director of this organization of which I founded. I assumed I would return from sabbatical ready to let go, maybe ready to move into a different role or season. But instead, I realized it was not the leadership role I was ill-equipped or misaligned in, but rather other roles I am not equipped for such as board chair, head of development, marketing and administration. In taking on all of these roles as one does in start-up mode, while necessary for a time, highlighted that I’ve been limiting both myself and the organization. Letting go of certain hats now feels like a possibility and an act of obedience in stewardship for those we serve.

As well, I wanted to continue, not from duty, but from desire and sheer joy of being able to serve. That shift from exhaustion to renewed vision was a beautiful surprise. I began to imagine doing this work with more support, more clarity, and from a place of abundance instead of burnout. Through the pause and the waiting, I could begin to see the beauty in the waiting.

And finally, I was surprised by the joy. Not just relief, or closure, but joy. Revisiting former clients in their contexts, re-engaging in communities I love and served, and seeing my children thrive again being abroad reminded me that our story, both mine and this organization’s, is far from over.

What I thought might be the end has in many ways become a new beginning. I’m excited for this next chapter…the gift of perspective and a buena vista (beautiful view) that I will carry with me for years to come.

Stay tuned…there is more to come. For all of us.

Thanks for reading along and supporting us in the work we get to do alongside of ministry leaders around the globe.

Overcoming my Greatest Sabbatical Obstacles

I would tell myself on repeat, “this is what we do but it’s not all that I am.” Being a sabbatical coach that takes a sabbatical presents it’s own set of challenges. For the last 8 years as I have created, lead, guided, and listened, I have secretly been gathering up ideas of how I wanted to live out my own sabbatical one day - I had been taking my own notes. To say that I had thought about how I wanted to sabbatical was a gross understatement!

So, on the first day of my sabbatical, when my house was at an all-time level of destruction in a 6-month construction project, including the kitchen sink and temporary camping stove set-up in the garage, disappointment was the prominent feeling! This is far from the restful environment my whole self so desperately needed. What promises the contractor made, were laughable by anyone who has ever undertaken such a project - to date, I was not one of those naively inexperienced people. One of my greatest obstacles would become allowing myself to be in the messy space of living life while on sabbatical.

The pressure increased externally as I would attend church, a church that systematically promoted sabbaticals for the staff. However, I was likely the only person many had ever lived life in real time with while on sabbatical - pastors were nowhere to be found when on sabbatical, and rightfully so. Weekly, people would ask me what I was doing with the time and how it was going. (no pressure!)

I realize through hindsight that one of my greatest obstacles, not that dissimilar to others we work with in this process, was trust. Trust in the process and learning God wanted to highlight and trust in the people replacing me. Learning to trust others to carry the load was initially harder than I thought, though I’m incredibly grateful and proud of the team that was in place working extra on behalf of my absence. Slowing down, intentionally planning and then beginning to hand off responsibilities in the release phase, meant facing everything I had been too busy, too afraid, or too responsible to confront. It meant facing myself with profound honesty at the place of development this organization is in.

 Here’s how the time within my phases of sabbatical broke down:

Phase 1 REALIZE - 18 months (longer than many but not uncommon, either)

Phase 2 RELEASE - 5 months

Phase 3 RESTORATION - 2 months and 29 days (Nearly my entire time on sabbatical!)

Phase 4 REFLECTION - 1 day, AND also 3 months while no longer on sabbatical

Phase 5 RE-ENTRY - 3 months-ish

Practically, one of the greatest challenges was confronting the misalignment in my organization’s structure - the one I had helped build. As much as this was a season of reflection, I couldn’t ignore the tension between what I was called to do and what I was actually spending my energy on. The clarity I gained, about my gifting, my limits, and our unsustainable model, cried out for change.And change, especially in nonprofit and ministry work, is never easy. Change takes risk, difficult conversations, and the willingness to disrupt what is comfortable for the sake of what is necessary.

Given that my sabbatical was only 3 months, I used my last day to engage with familiar tools related specifically to my roles. I wanted to address whether going back to them were in question and/or whether I would live out the next many months releasing responsibilities. While I spent only 1 set-aside day in reflection of my vocational work and alignment with TWB, I would intentionally reflect for several more months as I put hats back on and re-entered the work. While reflection continues to this day, it feels like the vocational questions cease for a time; Wrapped up as I take back all of the hats with a plan to release 3 in the next 6-12 months.

Another obstacle for me in hindsight, was the emotional cost and energy needed to revisit unresolved relationships and painful memories. Returning to the places where grief, betrayal, and disillusionment had taken root required more courage than I anticipated. There were moments when I questioned why I had agreed to reopen wounds that had been carefully closed. But what I discovered was that healing doesn’t come from forgetting or moving on. It comes from directly facing the past with honesty, compassion, and curiosity. It comes from returning to the stories we thought had already been written and allowing God to speak something new down the spiral staircase of attentiveness.

Perhaps the deepest obstacle, though, was inside of me. The internal work of trusting God again not just for provision, but for restoration felt like the voices of scarcity I thought were limited to questions of finance. I had lived under a scarcity mindset for so long in every area of life, that dreaming felt dangerous. Over the last 18 months, I began to believe and directly see that God could provide—not just financially, but in relationships, in healing, in leadership, and in my identity - patience is not my strongest attribute.

This process stripped away illusions I didn’t realize I was holding. It exposed how leadership had become entangled with fear, and it invited me into something freer, truer, and more whole. The obstacle of taking the time was great—but the freedom on the other side of those sacrifices, and the gifts I discovered in it all were beyond worth it. 

Leadership Perspective on Sabbatical

Shark tank the tv show is commonly referenced in our home. Not because we watch it regularly but because there are a couple of self-proclaimed ideators in my home that find it intriguing to spark conversation starting with, “Would this *insert crazy idea* fly on shark tank? 
 
As we discuss, we offer our fake money and investment options, saying something like “I’d give you 5 million for a 50% investment and unlimited quality time with your mom! The counter-offer is often, I’ll take the 5 million and leave the rest! (Thank you teenagers!)

Amidst the banter we may pull up a show or two and probe into the real world of what is working and not. Recently I was drawn into an older episode that included a proposition for a very intriguing power nap studio!

The idea included sleep pods, a studio pop-up shop and a relaxing ambient, atmosphere resembling a massage room. Coming to a city near you!**

In reality we all need more creativity and productivity in our daily life. And even a brief nap such as 15-20 minutes, we know provides greater brain clarity, a mental boost and overall body refreshment.

While the idea of napping for refreshment is not a new concept, the creativity that may be sparked and necessary, encouraged in the form of an intentional rest outside the floor of your office or a reclined position in your car or nodding off at your desk, is more necessary now than ever.  
 
I’m a big fan of power naps and the way they refresh my whole being. My response as I continued watching was one of immediate welcome and desire to endorse, if I could have.
 
But instead, the shared general sentiment of the sharks, their response surprised me. It sounded like this… “No one has time to leave their job for naps nor do we want to encourage it and for that reason I’m out!”*
 
While much research has shown the benefits, the overarching value is that work takes precedence over self-care! Productivity trumps care despite the desire and lip service given to prioritize the greatest assets of any company – the people. 
 
Although ministry leaders don’t say it as directly as the sharks, the sentiment is not that different from corporate America - We can’t afford to rest and neither can you! 
 
Just last week I had a conversation with an executive director of member care discussing why leaders need a sabbatical. He was authentically questioning the efficacy. Why isn’t vacation enough? How burned out do they need to be? When do we say yes? How do you cover positions and who pays for this?

““No one has time to leave their job for naps nor do we want to encourage it and for that reason I’m out!”*”

— Shark from Shark Tank

As sabbatical coaches we frequently hear this "man over machine" mindset but the form and approach to see the value lived out, lacks. People are still denied space and time because the leadership isn’t certain of the value, doesn’t understand how the job will get done, is afraid of an employee leaving or hasn’t been in a similar position. That all makes sense. These are common reactions across ministry, non-profit, and corporate America.

If you’re a leader positioned to champion this type of care, what are your responses? How do you posture yourself to listen for these words – stuck, discontent, exhausted, unsettled and poor fit - amidst those you serve? What might a follow-up conversation look like when you hear these words?

A sabbatical policy in our mind is meant to be created from a developmental perspective. People are the best resource of any company, and shouldn’t be treated as machines. Giving space and time such as a long pause in the form of a sabbatical to listen to their heart, their head and their body will likely keep them from burning out and leaving altogether. Organizations often feel like they need to have all the answers or a policy in place in order to grant a sabbatical and to that we say, give it a try with a few and see what works for your organization and personnel.

Consider a few leadership best practices to sabbatical:

1. Be open to what the employee needs for their own physical, mental and spiritual growth even if you don’t understand. Let them decide and tell you what they need. If we want healthy leaders, we ultimately want to create an environment where these healthy leaders know what they need and ask for it.

2. Help them find third-party resources and accountability that understand sabbaticals and how to structure one. You as the leader will have a different agenda than an objective outsider.

3. Take a company-wide approach to care. When everyone catches the vision for a sabbatical culture the whole culture wins. How can every employee consider where sabbatical might fit on their developmental track? And consider for others how they might chip in to cover for when people take time off?

4. What can you as an organization say no to in order to live out this value? Not every fundraiser is necessary. Not every service is needed. What can be released for a time?

5. Consider sending the employees you hear say the above words, a sabbatical readiness survey. This serves as a way of saying I see you and there are resources available.
     

You don't have to have all the answers, a policy or even the ability to grant a sabbatical. Let's keep the conversation open so leaders remain healthy and have access to the resources they require. Sleep pods or not, let’s demonstrate the powerful value of rest over productivity in creative and effective ways. 
 
Bonus: Listen here for a sabbatical conversation from a google employee.

Questions for further conversation: Let me ask you. What is your theology of rest? And where did it come from?

*As of July 2023 napping pods or minute sleep stations are located in at least 21 aiports in the world including DFW, DXB, IAD, DEL, ATL, MUC, JFK, MEX, AUH, PHL, HEL, LGW, CLT, IST, SVO, NRT, YYZ, TLL, BGY,  (find one next time you fly!)