The 6 Marriage & Vocation Profiles: A Common Language For Clarity of Expectations

Originally posted October 22, 2014

Partnership in Marriage and Vocational Work

While it’s arguable that we are drawn to our partners because of their complimentary traits illuminating who we are not. There is no predictive precedence for guaranteeing that we will work together well. There are certain vocations, such as working together cross-culturally that require harmonious work/family life balance or at minimum, an acknowledgment of the defining roles. And yet seldom do we see intentional effort put forth to discuss how to value both parties’ unique callings. The classification of the differing postures is one such effort - to give common language to the posturing and any correlating tensions.

In Bobby Clinton’s leadership studies, he categorizes how couples work out their partnership in marriage and vocational work together using 6 common profiles. This paradigm helps unpack where tension may arise and where attention may be needed.

While the variety of profiles may be equally legitimate and acceptable, each couple must decide on their own (and likely along with their organization) how their values will be lived out. While these profiles may change for various reasons - considering limitations and seasons of life such as retirement, child-bearing, etc., it is important that couples understand, identify and discuss which profile they currently live out and which one they may want to live into.

1. Internal/External profiles

One spouse concentrates primarily on external (outside of the home) vocation as a career and is the chief source of economic support. The other spouse concentrates on the home environment (internal). Both participate as much as possible in each other’s sphere and needs.

2. Co-work/partnership profile

Both are engaged full-time in the SAME external (outside of the home) vocational work together. Both share EQUALLY in meeting the internal family needs.

3. Independent vocational profile

Both spouses give themselves to full time external vocation in DIFFERENT settings that are relatively independent of each other.

4. Alternative vocational profile

The spouses alternate the release profile, internal ministry for varying portions of time. Each releases and helps the other develop the external career or educational pursuit for significant portions of time. It IS a planned swap.

5. Delayed vocation profile

A variation of the internal/external profile. Both spouses had vocational pursuits before marriage. One spouse drops most external pursuits and concentrates on meeting the needs of the family. Eventually that spouse re-enters external vocation that is independent or joint vocation.

This often happens when couples begin to have children. The major implication is that 
changing roles and expectations must be clearly articulated.

6. Non-Harmonious profile

One or the other spouses opposes the other’s role in or some significant way hinders fulfillment of potential. Needs are not met whether economic, strategic or social. This is not a recommended profile!

Reflection on the Profiles:

Why is it helpful to label these postures of work/marital role operating? Unclear expectations of roles, whether in the workplace or home setting, cause equally disruptive harmony to the system.

In the working world, role clarity and perception is equated with performance. The level to which expectations are communicated is often the level to which performance is seen. “All of life is uncertain; it is the perception of too much uncertainty that undercuts focus and performance.” When expectations are not clear and remain uncertain, people feel threatened, confused and make poor decisions.

Being able to clearly identity where you fit in any role, but especially a key role such as marriage, gives language to any emotional dissonance, misfit or discord. On the other hand, the language may speak equal volume to what is going well and how you want to continue on in your current profile structure.

Simultaneously, this language speaks to personal and marital calling. Are you (singular and plural), in this particular arrangement, able to live your unique calling and way the world needs your fingerprint? While we work with couples and individuals cross-culturally, it is evident that many spouses are not content with the current unspoken arrangement. This discontent leads to attrition when not addressed or given space for equal voice.

There are many ways to utilize this tool. One suggested method is to set aside an hour to discuss this with your spouse. Each person answer the following questions without the other being able to defend or disagree - just validate. Create a safe and open space for the conversation. If needed, give it some space and come back to it or find an outsider to reflect with.

1. Which profile most accurately describes your current approach to vocation and family life together?

2. How well is your vocation/family life balance working right now?

3. Which profile or mix of profiles would best suit your next phase of development?

4. What could you be doing as a couple to grow in your partnership in marriage and vocation?

5. What challenges does this profile include?

If you find that you, as a married couple are at an impasse with how to proceed seek out an objective outside coach or counselor to help you continue this conversation.

Adapted from “Social Base Processing” by Dr Robert J Clinton, Barnabas Publishers, 1993.